To Mom, With Love.
The harder you work for something, sweeter are the fruits of that labor. Does this hold true for a mother?. After having a child, every single moment, whether awake or sleeping you are conscious about you child and about your child's well being. And what does a mother expect in return? There is always a certain expectation attached to all different kinds of relationships we have but nothing is expected from a child. A mother expects a lot for her child but not from her child.
I see myself as someone who always has a doubt about things I do and say. Someone who Majorly questions herself about her ways of mothering. For me any decision I make as a mother seems lacking in someway or the other. Making me think that may be there is something better that can be done than what I have chosen to do.
When someone else sees me, they see a person with a perennial smiling face, a person with carefree attitude, some one who looks like there not one thing that bothers her. This is something that has been told to me by a colleague of mine, who is usually bothered about something or other at work. She visits me at least once in a day and tells me that she looks forward to her few minutes with me because it cheers her up and says that out little tete-a-tete everyday helps her in some ways, makes her think that the negatives are always outnumbered by positives.
And where did I get it from? It came from my mother. The person who I have always looked unto. The person who I fought with for every single thing while growing up. The person who struggled through out to ensure that me and my brother never lacked for anything. She is the eldest of five siblings. Being the eldest she was married off at sixteen because a suitable match was found. She had me when she was eighteen. Being married and having a child did not dampen her zeal and enthusiasm for learning. She wanted to study.
She wanted to go to college to get her degree. I think I was about 18 months when started doing a correspondence course to get her degree. She tells me that she would
rock me in my cradle with one hand and turn pages of her books with other. She was barely adult during this time. She completed her graduation, but her thirst for knowledge did not quench. She kept doing some course or the other. She did training as a craft teacher and taught sewing to neighborhood ladies for about a couple of years. She kept going for her Hindi learning classes and gave her exams. All this while taking care of me and living with laws. Being the only DIL, she had the additional responsibility of taking care of my grandpa and grandma.
I was about 10 year old when dad got transferred and we have to move to a different place. There she joined as a teacher and taught for a few months. But I think it was not enough for her somehow. She looked around and did a through research of what she can do. This was way back in 1988 and computers were just catching up. And she decided that she wanted to get a post graduate diploma in computer science. Imagine a lady who came from a small town, with two kids, who was working as a teacher wanting to do this. I still remember people who laughed at her saying that it is completly ridiculous idea. But she was determined to do this. She enrolled for evening classes. We would come home from school at 3.30. She had her classes from 7PM - 9 PM four days a week and this was an 18 months course. Midway through her course dad got transferred again and so we moved to the Hyderabad. She found a way to continue her course here. She worked for a travel agency and took classes in the night. And she completed her course, top of her class. It must not have been any where close to being easy as it was a brand new subject and there were no efficient teachers. She had to struggle with limited resources she had to acquire knowledge. Only 30% of the people who started with her finished the course.
Amidst all this I and my brother never ever felt neglected or felt we lacked anything. She always was there for us. We always were her priority and absolutely nothing ever came before us. How many kids would be fortunate enough to sit and have a study time with mom? I and my brother would be doing her school work and she would do her study, helping us in between. My dad would be either helping her or us. And this was a daily routine. We had our share of fun, outings, movies and vacations.
I was in 7th grade when she decided that she had enough of working for someone else. And she wanted to put her eighteen months of hard work to good use. She wanted to be her own master and so her quest started. We bought a computer in 1989 and she started looking out for things that can do in this field. She found that there was a big market for data entry in the market and went around companies and banks looking for work. Took her a lot of effort from her to convince people that she would be able to the work very efficiently. Initially it was a very hard struggle. She had her share of bad experiences but that never deterred her from what she wanted to do. In few years she earned a reputation that she was the best in her field. People who had laughed at her initially learned to respect her, her work and her dedication towards it. From being one and half person company (half being my dad), there was a time when she supported more than 10 people. She was working full time till about three years ago. . Her company still exists. She has molded it in way that, it will not need her and still support about four people. She had provided them infrastructure and contacts. They do the work and she gets a part of the money that is made. Now she has taken it easy and says she is ready to move on and learn something new. She started learning vocal music and key board about a year ago. At 48 she still has it in her to be open to new things and learn new things.
Being is mother has been the toughest part of my life. And the most enjoyable part of my adult life. And my mother echoes this sentiment too.
This in a way is my tribute to her. Hopefully one day she will be able to read it, because I have not revealed about this blog to anyone else intentionally. Not even HD.
Happy mothers day to everyone out there.
I Love you momy.
Momy and Sahithi
